Vote for me!

My face is easy to recognize, it can be seen on any poster at any corner or intersection. I am the only true son of the soil, don’t get confused by other false ‘son of soil’ candidates. Although I agree that their faces, posters, party workers and even their flags are very similar to mine.

As a true local candidate, I support all the local festivals & celebrations. Money for these occasions is not a problem, local businesses are more than happy to generously ‘contribute’ to my coffers. If fact, very recently I sponsored cash prizes worth millions of rupees for a local celebration called Janmashtami (Birth of Lord Krishna). Hundreds of people tried to win by making human pyramids and reaching the suspended prize. Don’t pay any attention to the stories in the media about a few who fell badly and suffered small injuries such as paralysis or concussions, it is all a conspiracy by my opponents to malign my clean name.

To show loyalty to my state, all my cars’ number plates are in the local language. Me and my party workers refuse to pay toll since we oppose developments done by non local corporations in our state. As a true son of the soil, I support renaming all major and minor roads in the city. This will somehow ease all the traffic congestion and solve the potholes menace. By forcing all establishments to write their names in the local language, my people will take pride in their culture and heritage, no matter that their stomachs will still be empty. I shall make it mandatory to employ locals for all jobs, their qualifications or their performance not being of any relevance. I understand that these actions might cause some industries to leave my state, the newly unemployed can always start farming. After seeing the movie ‘Peepli Live’, I have realised that many farmers are committing suicide, so am sure there are vacancies opening up in that field ( no pun intended).

And I repeat, do not listen to my detractors, I do not own any properties, nor do I own stakes in housing projects or sporting teams. All these and even the fleet of fancy SUVs that I roam around in belong to my family members. It is Gods reward for my hard work that my family members’ net worth triples-quadruples for every year that I am elected.

Jai Maharashtra (I sincerely apologize for writing this in a foreign language and not in the local language but my word processing software refuses to write in local languages, too bad Microsoft is not based in my state, will have to do something about that....)

Who

He is the eternal mocker,

Perpetually running the other way,

Finds content in my exasperation

Never listens to what I say.

Takes wings when I wish it’d halt

Lingers on when I wish it’d never stop

Runs swiftly when most treasured

Crawls along when I couldn’t care less

He laughs at me on my face

Mocks my effort to impede his flow

With a smile on his face he says to me

My sister is the tide you know

A bosom friend, the arch enemy

Who in the hell is he?

I think it all depends on how we see.

Nature 1 , Humans 0

A volcano in the middle of frozen northern Europe decides on a little mischief,

Vents its anger underneath the icy wastes.

The resulting ash cloud aided by the winds,

Blooms across Europe at a leisurely pace .

This eruption at Eyjafjallajökull was initially overlooked by a busy world,

Such tantrums of nature seldom changed the human fate.

But this Icelandic incident was indeed different,

For the tired corporate manager and the powerful leader of state,

Found their plans in a despair state.

Holidays ruined, business meetings missed, family members unmet,

Never since the world war second had air travel faced such a sad fate.

Hope humanity heeds this warning, that we are yet not supreme,

This world we inhabit is ruled by bigger forces, natural and unseen.

Humility and respect for our Mother shall go a long way,

Lest due to our false ego and bravado, She decides that we are unfit to stay.



(Special prize for pronouncing the volcano name correctly)

Why dosen't Pakistan get it?

We are currently seeing an arms race of sorts in our part of the world, the main participants being China, India and Pakistan. The three countries have scaled up their military spending albeit in their respective capacities. According to the Stockholm International Peace Research Institute the military spending in 2008 of these three nations was as follows ; China’s defence expenditure was $84.9 billion ( 2.2% of GDP), India’s at $30 billion (2.5% of GDP) while Pakistan’s was ~ $8 billion(3.5% of GDP). The current rates of military spending would undoubtedly be much higher as all these nations are in the process of acquiring and/or manufacturing a great number of modern weaponry.

None the less, in any conventional war, Pakistan is outclassed and outgunned. This is no false bravado by the Indian military. Military generals, analysts on both sides and neutral experts agree on this outcome. The numbers on the side of India are simply overwhelming.

The military strengths of these neighbours assessed in 2009 stands as follows:

Personnel

	PAKISTAN		INDIA
Service	Total Active Duty	Total Reserve	Total Active Duty	Total Reserve
Army**	550,000	528,000	1,414,000	1,800,000
Navy	24,000	5,000	67,000	NA
Air Force	65,000	10,000	170,000	50,000
Paramilitary Forces	302,000	NA	1,300,300	NA
Coast Guard	est. 9,000	NA	19,700	NA
Total	952,000	543,000	2,971,000	1,850,000

** The Indian Territorial Army of 787,000 is not part of the total number.

Military Hardware

	PAKISTAN		INDIA
Hardware	Number	Highlights	Number	Highlights
Tanks (MBT)	2500	Al-Khalid, T-80UD	5000	T-90 Bhishma, T-72 Ajeya
Artillery	~1400	M109 , M198	3200	155mm Bheem, Howitzers
Airplanes	~800	F-16, JF-17	1550	Su-30 MKI , AWACS
Helicopters	~100	AH-1 Cobra, Mi-17	300	Mi-17 , Mi-8
Warships	~80	No Aircraft Carrier	169	1 Aircraft Carrier

~ Disputed /Unverified information, info obtained from Wikipedia, other published sources.

Note – The numbers include attack elements + support elements

As a direct result of this asymmetry of conventional armed forces, Pakistan chooses to wage a proxy war in India. All the proofs and deliberations about state actors and non – state actors aside, the real question is WHY?!

The past couple of decades, it seems that the very reason for Pakistan’s existence is to wage aggression against India. This idea, of India as the ENEMY is the strong pillar which reinforces the shaky foundation of the country. Why does Pakistan think that India is out to get it? India has never acted in unprovoked aggression towards its neighbour. India does not need the land of Pakistan, does not need its resources nor its industrial base, whatever that may be. This act of ‘cry wolf’ tends to bring together the myriad forces at play in the Pakistani sphere, not to mention bolstering the importance of the military. Hundreds of articles have been written about the Pakistani army and its need to constantly prove its importance and relevance in Pakistan’s hierarchy.

The real problem here is that the Pakistani leadership has manoeuvred itself and their country on to a path of self destruction. The nation cannot feed itself on hatred, military hardware does not really improve the living standard of the population. Monetary aid from the United States, World Bank and the Arabic countries are never permanent and at best helps Pakistan limp along. As conditions worsen, the Army will be left with no option but to wage war against India. A conventional war with India is one that Pakistan can never win.

In order to survive and flourish, Pakistan has to perform a complete about turn and distance itself from its past. For starters, absolute power should be vested with the civilian leadership alone. They are the true representatives of the people. General Ashfaq Kayani’s directive to withdraw all military personnel from civilian offices and posts is a step in the right direction. Further, the ISI needs to be reigned in and support of various unscrupulous organisations needs to be withdrawn. India is patient, but does not have infinite patience. If another incident such as the Mumbai attack or Parliament attack takes place, there will be war. Other nations have gone to war on the basis of far lesser grievances.

And if Pakistan thinks its nuclear arms are deterrent enough, they are mistaken. More on this in the next entry.

IPL ranting

Karl Marx said religion is the opiate of the masses. Now don’t get Marx wrong, he din’t mean to unnecessarily disrespect world religions. What he was trying to say is that religion provides an illusionary fantasy for those who aren’t entirely happy in their present life. Religion provides a balm saying true happiness will be in the next life.

Too bad Marx isn’t alive to see the IPL. The league is proving to be the real drug. City’s facing water cuts, no problem. Food inflation around 18 %, no problem . Summer is coming early, temperatures soaring already, no problem. Just got fired from my job, not happy with my wife, don’t have any money in the bank, no problem, no problem, no problem. WHY?! The IPL is ON doooode!!!!! I bet that withholding the IPL screening will make even the toughest criminal or hardcore terrorist breakdown. I wonder if someone keeps a watch on the nations daily GDP, there would be huge dips during the IPL season. Imagine IPL’s power, even the myopic political parties with their myopic political agendas keep silent during this time. Either the political bosses know that their party workers will ignore their orders to disrupt these matches or that the political bosses themselves are fans. The best part of this IPL deal is you can choose any team that you want. Your team is not decided on where you were born or what your parents or friends support. There is no national team, no consensus based on creed, religion or nationality. You are free to choose your gods, maybe even change them midway if you don’t like their performance. No other religion ever had it this good. This is absolutely unbeatable.

It’s not that I hate the IPL for some reason, it’s just that cricket does not interest me for some reason. Really you ask? And yes, I am an Indian. I just don’t get the allure of 22 grown men in a field with a bat and a ball. Still, I find myself watching the IPL. Yup, its that enticing. But coming back to its power, it’s gotten people of varied nationalities and even religions playing together. There are so many languages on the field, I bet sledging has become ineffective, chances are the other guy won’t understand what you are saying! In the end, one team will win the IPL. Lots of fireworks, speeches and handing over of trophies and monies. After the flood lights are shut and everyone retires home, does it change anything? Nothing really, the world will still be where it was before this whole circus started. Same problems, same troubles. Until then, we are all ‘comfortably numb’ . Except ol’ Karl is turning in his grave somewhere.