Vote for me!

My face is easy to recognize, it can be seen on any poster at any corner or intersection. I am the only true son of the soil, don’t get confused by other false ‘son of soil’ candidates. Although I agree that their faces, posters, party workers and even their flags are very similar to mine.

As a true local candidate, I support all the local festivals & celebrations. Money for these occasions is not a problem, local businesses are more than happy to generously ‘contribute’ to my coffers. If fact, very recently I sponsored cash prizes worth millions of rupees for a local celebration called Janmashtami (Birth of Lord Krishna). Hundreds of people tried to win by making human pyramids and reaching the suspended prize. Don’t pay any attention to the stories in the media about a few who fell badly and suffered small injuries such as paralysis or concussions, it is all a conspiracy by my opponents to malign my clean name.

To show loyalty to my state, all my cars’ number plates are in the local language. Me and my party workers refuse to pay toll since we oppose developments done by non local corporations in our state. As a true son of the soil, I support renaming all major and minor roads in the city. This will somehow ease all the traffic congestion and solve the potholes menace. By forcing all establishments to write their names in the local language, my people will take pride in their culture and heritage, no matter that their stomachs will still be empty. I shall make it mandatory to employ locals for all jobs, their qualifications or their performance not being of any relevance. I understand that these actions might cause some industries to leave my state, the newly unemployed can always start farming. After seeing the movie ‘Peepli Live’, I have realised that many farmers are committing suicide, so am sure there are vacancies opening up in that field ( no pun intended).

And I repeat, do not listen to my detractors, I do not own any properties, nor do I own stakes in housing projects or sporting teams. All these and even the fleet of fancy SUVs that I roam around in belong to my family members. It is Gods reward for my hard work that my family members’ net worth triples-quadruples for every year that I am elected.

Jai Maharashtra (I sincerely apologize for writing this in a foreign language and not in the local language but my word processing software refuses to write in local languages, too bad Microsoft is not based in my state, will have to do something about that....)